


Soy Milk is for Baby Soys!

by huangjinguo



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Crack, M/M, Mafia AU, me trying to be funny & failing, vegan!triad boss yifan gets on everybody's nerves basically
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-22
Updated: 2018-02-22
Packaged: 2019-03-22 17:15:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13768797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/huangjinguo/pseuds/huangjinguo
Summary: When Lu Han got initiated as a member of Wu Yifan's triad, he didn't have in mind that he'll have to deal with his boss snarkily calling him a 'carnist' just because he likes eating burgers.





	Soy Milk is for Baby Soys!

**Author's Note:**

> Y'all read "Off to the Races"? Great. This is some sort of sequel to that shit because VEGAN TRIAD BOSS YIFAN I MEAN WHAT YES WE NEED MORE OF THAT so here’s a snippet of what it was like for Lu Han when his boss decided to bid animal products goodbye. This is my first ever POV that is not Yixing or Yifan what the fuck LOL?
> 
> Written for Viv (who doesn't have an ao3-account for some reason!!), bc she jumped on the whole thing on twitter with me and I had a great time going through all those headcanons with her - actually, we’re still creating new ones but I didn’t put in all of the head canons though because GOD DAMN WE CAME UP WITH A LOT OF SHIT. My favorite is probably Youtube Yifan who posts videos like “What I ate in a day as a triad boss (vegan)”.
> 
> I joke about veganism in this, but I love making fun of myself, so yeah here ya go.
> 
> Please don't take this shit seriously, it's just some cracky idiotic thing I came up with and like a billion other things this has been sitting in my WIPS for ages and I finally decided to finish this up & post it. It's really not meant to be a literal masterpiece. Was fun writing it though lol.
> 
> Oh btw if anyone doesn't know what a 'carnist' is: basically just a person who's been brought up and conditioned that eating/exploiting certain animals is okay - the term is not meant to be derogatorily used, I think, but Yifan def. uses it as an insult lol alright it's getting awkward I'll shut up now.

***

When Lu Han got accepted as a member of Wu Yifan’s triad, he felt like the luckiest person on earth. When Wu Yifan decided to keep him close, he couldn’t believe that anyone would ever consider him worthy of that position.

Mentioning Wu Yifan’s name in any bar, club, or brothel makes people shiver in fear. He’s got the reputation of one of the most ruthless triad bosses with ties to no other than the Sun Yee On and 14K triads. He controls the whole city, and smoothly took over when his father died to save the position as the leading triad in Changsha. Being a part of this fills Lu Han with pride, even if it sounds all sorts of crazy. He’s always been hiding his rather twisted mind behind his boyband member face, and to be able to finally be himself within Wu Yifan’s rows makes him feel like he finally has found a place where he belongs – even if it’s a spot in the illegal and dark triad underworld.

That image of his boss, the triad lord he looks up to and admires, gets destroyed though when he gets to his apartment with Tao and their boss drops a rather weird news:

“I’m going vegan.”

Lu Han chokes on the cup of coffee Yifan has poured him, and Huang Zitao, the other guy that Yifan keeps close for jobs and consultation, tilts his head in question.

“Wait, so no meat anymore?”

“No meat, no eggs, no dairy...” Yifan says and his eyes dart over his kitchen isle to the leather couch in the joint living room, “... no leather... I think I need to buy new furniture.”

“Ummm... but... why?” Lu Han asks when he’s got his coughing fit back under control.

“Yes boss, have you become a Buddhist?” Tao jokes.

Tao seems to be rather unaffected by Yifan’s statement. Lu Han figures that, because Tao’s been around for years, their boss can’t surprise him anymore. Lu Han on the other hand has joined the triad barely half a year ago, so everything is new to him, especially those weird ideas that Yifan sometimes comes up with.

“Well, I gave it a thought, and I really need to stay healthy... the only solution is to go vegan.”

“Huh,” Tao says and takes a sip from his coffee mug, “Why’s going vegan the only solution? Like, I could hit you up with some real good supplements if you think you’re lacking vitamins.”

“Because of all the shit that is in animal products. Like. Literally.”

“But what about protein and iron?” Lu Han asks, and is half hoping for his boss to pull a prank on them – starting to cackle and saying “Hahahaha, look at your dumb faces, I got you good, you stupid bitches!” – but nothing of the like happens.

“Glad you asked!” Yifan retorts and grabs his phone next to him. While he’s browsing through his gallery, he adds, “There’s _nothing_ that plants can’t provide – I mean, it’s only plausible, where does the cow get the protein from? Plants. So why not skip that step of eating the dead flesh of an animal and go to the source directly?”

Lu Han blinks confused and even Tao seems to be a little dazzled. Yifan places his phone in front of the other two and shows a chart that tells the reader where to get essential vitamins and minerals from plants. Copy written by PETA. Lu Han’s never heard of that organisation.

“Iron, protein, all that kind of stuff. Plants provide that too. Do you know what plants don’t provide?”

“I want to say ‘nice burgers’ but I don’t think you’re trying to go there, boss,” Tao jokes.

Yifan skips the comment, probably intentionally, and answers his own question:

“Cholesterol, trans-fatty acids, saturated fats... all that shit that clogs up your arteries and makes you die of a stroke or a heart attack at the age of forty. Bullshit that you poison your body with. People are out there ranting about how coronary heart disease and diabetes run in their family when in fact it’s just those loads of animal products on their plates.”

“Ok but what about B12? I heard that’s what vegetarians lack a lot of,” Lu Han says after skimming the chart, which confuses him because it’s in English and he never really got a hold of the language.

“B12 gets supplemented to the animals too, so why not pop the pill yourself?”

The other two stay silent for a moment, because Lu Han has learned that his boss can tolerate any kind of back talk to only a certain degree, then Tao says:

“Okay boss, knowing you, you did your research, so knock yourself out... why calling us here and telling us?”

“I need someone to take my shit,” Yifan answers the question and puts a cooling bag onto the counter.

Lu Han peeks inside and sees a pack of milk, packed meat, eggs, and other dairy products in there.

“You’re going cold turkey,” he states and Yifan nods.

“Take the stuff, I don’t want to throw it away either... it would be too much of a waste.”

“Can I have the beef, Lu Han?” Tao asks when he’s taken a look inside the bag too.

“Fight over it, but get that stuff out of my house, thank you,” Yifan says, and then, dismisses them like that.

A little confused, Lu Han takes the cooling bag and follows Tao out of the apartment. When the door falls shut behind them, Tao says:  
“Weeeeeeehw... it’s probably just a phase. He won’t give up meat forever. He loves chicken way too much.”

Lu Han is still not able to wrap his head around what just happened and watches as Tao fetches the elevator. When the door slides open, Tao asks:

“Yo, so, can I have that beef?”

Lu Han rolls his eyes and hands over the bag.

“Take all of it.”

“Nice!”

***

After a few weeks, Yifan still hasn’t given up his veganism thing and Lu Han has to admit that he’s rather impressed. He surely gave it a thought once in a while, but then decided that going vegan just isn’t the thing for him – he just loves burgers and fried chicken way too much, and he also doesn’t want to give up his beloved Starbucks Caramel Latte ever.

His boss started out labelling himself as a “casual vegan”, which means, according to Yifan, that he solely does that thing for his own health and the environment (he’s watched documentaries like ‘Forks over Knives’ and ‘Cowspiracy’ to back that up), not necessarily because of moral aspects. Lu Han believes that Yifan’s made that term up to sound cool, but he doesn’t dare to say that out loud.

The “casual vegan” thing finds an end though when Yifan discovers the movie ‘Earthlings’. Lu Han has received an upgrade a few days before when Yifan got him a spare key card to his apartment. Yifan argued that he needs somebody to have access to his stuff just in case something happens to him or he needs someone to fetch something when he’s out on the streets doing his job. Tao has snorted and told Lu Han that their boss just wants a butler for free, but Lu Han thinks it just shows how much his boss trusts him. So Lu Han gets told in the morning he should swing by around noon and when he walks into the living room, he finds his boss sitting on a brand new couch (no leather, of course), and then he needs to blink twice to make sure his eyes aren’t deceiving him.

Wu Yifan, the most ruthless man Lu Han knows to date, is sitting on his vegan living room sofa, holding a crumpled tissue in his hands while his teary eyes are set on his big ass flatscreen TV which shows some gruesome pictures of a monkey with a shaved head and all sorts of weird wires attached to it.

“Ummmm, boss?”

Yifan jumps and looks up to Lu Han – he freezes for a second, but then he wipes his eyes and stammers:

“I told you to come around noon, for fuck’s sake!”

“It is noon...”

“Really?!”

Yifan checks his phone while the movie keeps running and starts showing animals in a much more peaceful setting. When he realises that it is indeed noon, he curses under his breath and rubs his puffy face.

“Forgot the time, shit.”

“What exactly are you doing?”

Lu Han’s boss looks up to him and seems to be at loss for words while a narrator starts talking – it’s in English, but there are Chinese subtitles flickering across the screen and Lu Han starts reading along:

“So, if there is any truth to the age-old saying, “What goes around, comes around,” then what do _they_  get for their pain? Do we even give it a second thought? If what goes around comes around, what _do_ they get for their pain? They _are_ earthlings. They have the right to be here just as much as humans do. Perhaps the answer is found in another age-old saying, and one equally true: We reap just what we sow.”

“Boss...” Lu Han starts.

“Look, I _know_ how that looks like!” Yifan starts defending himself and then his gaze gets caught at the sight of puppies playing with each other, “But... I never knew it was _this_ bad! Look at that!”

“Boss, those are happy sappy animals in their natural habitat...”

“You came at the wrong time!” Yifan roars and hits the remote button to rewind – the peaceful images disappear and at a random time somewhere in the middle of the movie, Yifan hits play.

The living room gets filled with the sound of little piglets screeching and screaming, horrifying to the core, even for Lu Han, who usually really doesn’t show any kinds of sentiments. He wrinkles his nose in disgust when he sees how a white bulky guy rips out the testicles of a baby pig and carelessly throws them onto the floor.

“This is _outrageous_!” Yifan barks, “Wait, there’s more!”

Another rewind, and pigs are shown which are gnawing at the corpse of another pig that’s been left on the floor, lying in its own faeces. Fast forward to milk cows collapsing from exhaustion and getting dragged out onto a pick up truck at their feet. Another fast forward. A fox or maybe a mink, Lu Han doesn’t know the difference anyways, getting hung up, cut open, and skinned for its fur, all while being alive. Fast forward to the monkey that Lu Han’s just seen, cramping and screaming during some sort of medical test.

“I cannot _believe_ this!”

“Okay boss,” Lu Han starts and takes the remote out of Yifan’s hand, before the whole situation escalates. Then he adds, “It sucks, yes. But you gotta focus on that meeting that we have, remember? It’s about that drug delivery from Vietnam. Important shit.”

“Are you wearing a leather jacket, Lu Han?!”

Realising he hasn’t even listened to what he’s said, Lu Han wants to give his boss a good bitch slap in the face to make him go back to normal – if he did that though, he could also put a bullet through his brain.

“Relax, it’s fake. I’ve been having this jacket for years now, and I was hella broke back then. I could’ve never afforded real leather.”

Yifan squints his eyes and examines the jacket a little closer. When he deems Lu Han’s statement as true, he relaxes again, but that doesn’t mean his focus goes back to his actual obligations. 

“Why are you even here, Lu Han?”

Lu Han feels like he’s talking to a senile old man, but puts on a poker face.

“Like I said,” he states through grinding teeth, “We’ve got to meet that supplier from Vietnam. You know? The cocaine?”

“Oooooh! Yeah, yeah! Right! That was today!” 

Yifan still seems to need a few moments to get himself back together.

“You may want to wash your face, you look like your boyfriend just broke up with you,” Lu Han slips.

The comment that was supposed to just tease Yifan a little brings him right back into his bossy triad attitude.

“Excuse me, but who allowed you to talk to me like that, you little shit?!”  
“Sorry, really!” Lu Han squeals and lifts his hands to surrender, “But seriously boss, go wash your face. It’s all red and puffy.”

The answer is a grunt and Yifan gets up from the sofa. While the credits of the movie start rolling, he looks at Lu Han.

“This never happened,” he says and points a threatening index finger into Lu Han’s direction, right before he takes off to the bathroom.

He’s not even gone for two seconds and Lu Han pulls out his phone to send Tao a message.

_Dude, we’ve got a problem. Boss has found some weird documentary about animals and is going crazy._

The answer comes pretty fast.

_God, I know. He’s been spamming me with pictures and videos of that movie. Pretty disgusting, ew. The worst thing was definitely the part where those pigs were eating each other._

_That’s all you have to say about this?! Boss is going to lose his focus, he forgot that we have that meeting with those guys from Vietnam._

_Relax, Lu Lu. I know my man. Just let it die down, he’ll be back to normal in a few weeks. Trust me._

***

Nothing dies down though. If only, Yifan goes even crazier and becomes an even more militant vegan than ever. Lu Han has to deal with his hissy fits every once in a while - one day, during another moment of Yifan dropping a snarky comment about Lu Han’s Starbucks order he asks:

“Boss, why are you always angry about this? Isn’t that exhausting?”

“You know what’s exhausting?!” Yifan rumbles as he takes his own Soy Latte from the counter and dashes out onto the street to his car where Tao is waiting behind the steering wheel, “Watching how my people are destroying their health with all those animal products that’s not their right to consume to begin with! You putting growth hormone liquid into your coffee that was meant for a calf to drink, which then in return ends up on your plate as veal! It’s exhausting to know that 56 billion land animals are going to be killed throughout the year, and the oceans will be fished empty by 2048 and you just don’t fucking _care_!”

“Alright, wrong topic,” Lu Han hisses between his teeth as he takes another sip and sits down next to Tao.

“It’s also super fucking exhausting to see you guys draping yourselves in the skins of dead animals, like how fucking disgusting is this?!” Yifan keeps bitching as he slips onto the backseat and throws a look at Tao’s leather jacket.

“Oh, we’re at that topic again,” Tao sighs and starts the engine.

“Please, tell me we can talk about something different?” Lu Han asks.

“This is also exhausting!” Yifan barks, “You guys keep teasing me and acting like I’m a god damn fool but when I bring the arguments to back myself up, and you start to hit a dead end, because you fucking carnists just can’t bring anything up except ‘But BACON though!’, you want to change topics! It’s like talking to a brick wall! It would have the same effect!”

“Good, now that we’ve established this!” Tao yodels and turns around to face his boss, “We might need to check up on Wang’s bar downtown. He hasn’t shown up and we might want to check if everything is in order.

“Wang?” Yifan asks and furrows his eye brows. “Who is that?”

“See? That’s how good he is. He’s that one red pole we never get into trouble with, usually. Like, you know him. He was at a meeting a few weeks ago I think? Kinda small, looks like a rat, you said so yourself.”

Yifan indeed switches from ‘Angry Vegan’ to ‘Triad Boss’ again and nods.

“Oh! Oh! I remember! That dude! What’s up with him?”

“We don’t know, that’s why we’re gonna check it out, I’d say. The bar is owned by this guy called Sun Honglei and I heard his cocktails are great.”

“I’d kill for a Bloody Mary right now, to be honest…” Lu Han admits.

“Alright boys, let’s go,” Yifan orders and leans back in his seat. “Lu Han, you’re still not off the hook.”

Lu Han wishes that he could’ve just shut up for once. Why isn’t he learning from his mistakes?!

About an hour later, the three guys sit down in a bar that’s already packed with people, which pleases Lu Han’s boss. He sits down at one of the tables and orders the other two to just blend in, while the owner has already noticed them with a cautious look on his face.

“Does he know who you are, boss?” Lu Han asks.

“He does. But as long as we just order one or two drinks, I don’t think he’ll cause a fuss,” Yifan answers and in that moment, a waiter approaches their table with three menus.

“Good evening!” He chirps and shows a dimpled smile.

He’s got wavy brown hair that’s been cut short at the sides and the dent in his cheek is so deep, Lu Han gets the weird need to poke it with his finger. Cute. That’s the first word that pops to his mind and when he looks at Tao, he knows he’s thinking the same.

“Hello!” Tao greets back and takes the offered menus.

“I’m going to be your waiter for tonight, so if you need anything, just raise your hand! Enjoy your stay, I’ll be back soon to take your orders!”

When he leaves with a bright smile, Lu Han’s eyes fall on his boss who completely ignores the menu Tao hands him and follows that guy with his gaze.

“Ummm… boss?”

Yifan snaps back into reality and blinks at Tao.

“Y…yes?”

“The menu.”

“Oooh… yeah…”

Yifan doesn’t really look at the menu though. He quickly decides to go for a Gin Tonic, then he puts the menu down and scans the crowd for their waiter again. He doesn’t call him to their table though. He just stares at him with this weird look on his face that Lu Han’s never seen before on him. It’s like… he kind of likes that guy.

Tao seems to notice too and wiggles his eyebrows when Lu Han makes eye contact with him. 

“Boss, I’m thinking about ordering a double cheese burger,” Lu Han says, just to test if Yifan is even paying attention, but the usual scolding never comes.

His eyes are absolutely focused on that waiter who swirls around the tables, places drinks in front of other guests and smiles at them. 

“What is going on here?!” Lu Han whispers into Tao’s direction behind his menu. “I literally said I’m gonna order an animal to eat and he just…?”

“I’ve seen that only once with him,” Tao says and looks over his shoulder to the waiter whose laugh carries over the clinking of glasses to them, “It was a few years back when he started to crush on someone. He courted that person for quite some time, but his love was unrequited.”

“Like… you mean…?”

Tao nods slowly, to give his statement more depth. 

“I think… boss has found someone new to obsess over.”

Lu Han’s mouth falls open. Then he looks over the menu to Yifan, who has his head supported on one hand, his lips slightly parted, looking at the other male with a facial expression as if he has never seen anything more beautiful before. He looks more like a little boy rather than a ruthless triad boss in that moment - and that is almost scarier than anything else Lu Han’s seen before.

***

“So, Honglei’s bar?” Yifan asks out of the blue after dinner at a fancy restaurant.

“Do you want to go back because you like the Gin Tonic so much?” Tao teases with a grin and Yifan throws a breadstick at the other.

“Wang hasn’t showed up yet?”

“No.”

“See? Who else is going to check in then? The holy spirit?”

“Since when are you catholic?”

Yifan rolls his eyes at Tao’s backtalk, but lets him off the hook. Instead, he says:

“I’m just saying. I want to check in to see if everything’s alright. I’ve heard that one of Li’s minions has opened a bar near our operating area, so that might become a problem.”

“That Li bitch, I swear to god…” Tao grunts and massages the bridge of his nose with his index finger and thumb.

“But wasn’t that your argument to go there last week already?” Lu Han asks.

“Lu Han, that woman is a constant pain in my ass, not just on one Friday night a month,” Yifan says.

“Or you just want to pine after that waiter again… like… what was his name?”

“Zhang Yixing,” Tao answers for Yifan, wiggling his fingers with a big fat grin on his face.

“Don’t be ridiculous!” Yifan stammers and his cheeks start blushing.

“Oh come on, you have the hots for him, boss!” Tao throws at him. “Which is nothing to be ashamed of! He’s cute. You should ask him on a date and take him to that fancy vegetarian restaurant you wanted to try out so badly!”

“I’m certainly not going to do that!” Yifan rumbles as he gets the waitress over for the bill.

When she disappears again to get the receipt, Lu Han says:

“Why not? Are you afraid of being turned down?”

The answer is a grunt, then the waitress comes back and he pays for their meals. As they get out and into the car, Yifan just can't hold his thoughts in anymore, and says, referring to the question he's ignored before:

“It would be creepy! Like, me asking him out on a date! That would scare him probably away!”

Lu Han screeches as he hears that.

“That’s so cute boss! Who would’ve thought a random waiter in a bar made you talk like that?!”

“Shut up, you asshat!”

Today is Lu Han’s turn to drive, so when they arrive at the bar, he sticks with coke while Yifan orders his usual Gin Tonic and Tao goes with a random cocktail, because he’s somehow made it his mission to try every drink the bar has to offer. Mai Tai it is today.

“I still think you should somehow make a move on him,” Lu Han says. “Maybe he’s interested too. He’s definitely been flirting with you.”

“He’s a waiter, it’s his job to flirt with people, only then they’ll spend more money!” Tao destroys the illusion immediately. 

“I’m not going to make a move on him, for fuck’s sake!”

“Good, then keep pining after him like an idiot over your glass of Gin Tonic,” Lu Han sneers.

“I really should cut that stupid grin off your little stupid face, you…!”

“Is everything alright with you guys? Can I get you anything else besides your drinks?”

Zhang Yixing has appeared at their sides with a bright practiced smile and Yifan stops mid sentence, biting his tongue. Then he turns to Yixing with the softest expression on his face and says:

“Everything is wonderful, thank you!”

“Actually!” Lu Han jumps in, “I’m kind of hungry, can you recommend me something? Like… it’s more of a craving I’m having at the moment.”

Zhang Yixing curls his lips in thought, then he says:

“Our cheese fries are pretty good, the whole staff loves them. Or, if you want something with meat, we have these mini burgers, you guys could share these, actually. One portion contains four of them. I like the chicken ones a lot.”

Tao chokes on his Mai Tai while Yifan’s face freezes. Lu Han enjoys this a little too much, and he knows he’s going to face the full wrath of his boss later, but in that moment, he just rides the wave and says:

“Oh! That would be great! I’m taking both!”

“Sure! Do you want chicken or beef for the patties?”

“Can I have both?”  
“Sure thing!” Yixing says and writes the order down onto his phone, “So that would be cheese fries and half-and-half mini burgers. Should I bring three plates?”

Tao cannot hold it in anymore and bursts into howling laughter. Zhang Yixing tilts his head in question, clearly not getting why this is so funny, and Yifan just hides his face behind one hand.

“I think two plates would be enough,” Lu Han then says and the waiter nods.

“Alright. Coming right up!”

Then he disappears. When Tao has his laughing fit back under control, tears are streaming down his face and he says, while wiping them away with a tissue:

“Boss, I’m sorry, but apparently the love of your life is a _carnist_!”

Yifan exclaims an annoyed sigh. His eyes dart back to Yixing who yells the order into the kitchen, then walks over to the bar to pick up the next bunch of cocktails for the guests at the table next to them. With a lot of reluctance readable on his face, Yifan says:

“You know what’s even worse? I’d overlook that flaw if that meant I could at least bang him once.”

Both Tao and Lu Han start hooting when they hear that, then Lu Han asks:

“So wait, is cum vegan? Like… do vegans suck dick?”

The answer is his boss throwing him an irritated look, then him exclaiming:

“How on earth did I actually agree on taking you in, you little shit?!”

***

After all the shit with Li and her triad, Yifan invites his brothers to a party to celebrate the victory over the enemy and to pay respects to those they’ve lost on the way, especially Ou Hao. Later that evening, Lu Han finds Yixing standing at the sidelines of the gathering, and he figures that he’s been a very big dick to him, so he decides to keep his company for a while.

“Yo, pretty boy,” he greets casually and Yixing raises an eyebrow.

“If I’m pretty, what are you then?”

“A wolf in sheep’s clothing.”

Yixing actually chuckles and nods to affirm Lu Han’s statement. Then he goes back to looking into his glass, and Lu Han gets the hunch that Yixing is kind of feeling out of place. Which shouldn’t be too surprising. He’s still a mere university student, even though he’s the boyfriend of a triad boss.

“How’s your arm doing?” Lu Han asks nonchalantly.

“It’s healing, so...”

The Red Pole nods and takes a sip from his Gin Tonic. The silence between them is super uncomfortable and Lu Han wrecks his brains on what to say to make a conversation emerge. He’s not good at stuff like this.

“Hey, Lu Han, I appreciate the gesture but you really don’t need to hang around if you don’t want to,” Yixing says.

Lu Han scoffs.

“So what, you’d rather stand here alone like an idiot and watch your boyfriend holding conversations from afar?”

With that, he nods into Yifan’s direction who’s talking to Liao, seemingly invested in whatever his Deputy has to say. Yifan’s spent the whole evening roaming around, and hasn’t been able to pay Yixing any attention.

“No, I’d rather go home to be honest,” Yixing admits, “I actually told Yifan to go alone, but he insisted on taking me with him.”

“Of course he did,” Lu Han retorts.

“Aiya... I could’ve just ordered in and watch a stupid TV show...” the student whines, “I could’ve gotten some meat and he’d never know...”

Lu Han snorts at the statement.

“Man sorry about that. I can imagine it’s quite a drag... he’s so naggy about that vegan shit all the time.”

Yixing rolls his eyes in annoyance and allows himself to let out a low groan.

“It’s horrible sometimes. We once went out to eat and I swear... I only had one Baozi filled with pork and cabbage and he refused to kiss me for over two hours.”

“He really _does_ that?”

“He’s recently started with it, yes.”

“God, my condolences.”

Yixing takes a sip from his drink, then he says:

“It’s okay. It’s kind of my own fault. He gave me the chance to leave and I stayed put.”

“Sounds like Stockholm Syndrome to me.”

“Maybe, yeah,” Yixing shrugs his shoulders and they fall silent again. 

They watch as Yifan listens to Liao attentively, and after a while, Yixing adds:

“But, you know, it’s not _that_ bad. The whole vegan thing. It makes sense, in some way.”

“Please. Don’t tell me you’ve turned vegan too now.”

Yixing chuckles and empties his glass in one go.

“I’m just saying. His arguments do have a point. Meat consumption does harm the planet. Animal protein isn’t that good for your body. The studies are there to proof it. I think giving up all those products is very much like giving up smoking. You need to be… ready for it. And I’m not. I cannot imagine a world without braised pork belly… yet.”

“Wow. He must be fucking you real good.”

The other man rolls his eyes at the statement, and that’s about the whole reaction Lu Han gets.

“It also does show his compassionate site.”

“Compassionate? I’ve seen the man doing nearly unspeakable things to people… I’m talking about full-triad-boss-movie-torture and shit… he’s heartless.”

“Yeah, thanks for reminding me that I’m in love with a criminal,” Yixing snorts, “My point is that, even though he can be so ruthless and horrible, you give him a video of somebody cuddling a cow and he starts crying tears of joy. Show him footage of rescued farm animals playing on a meadow and he’ll have a happy smile plastered across his face for the next hour. He wouldn’t be this caring about _animals_ if he hadn’t one ounce of goodness in his body.”

“Huh.”

Lu Han gives it a thought, but he still thinks that nobody needs to know that Yifan can turn into a horrible crybaby when faced with the abuse of animals in any kind of way. It would probably ruin his boss’ reputation.

“It’s kind of like with the women and kids in this triad. Ou Has died, and he offered help and protection to Lihua. When Wang and his people got found, the first thing he did was checking in on the wives and kids of the deceased ones. He’s looking out for those who need his help - and that also includes animals on his spectrum. Because they can’t defend themselves. That kind of makes him pretty sexy.”

“Eww, you’re really too far gone!” Lu Han cries out, trying to hide that gooey feeling inside of him when he hears those words.

In that moment, Yifan finally strides over to them.

“Sorry, I’m here now,” he says, downright ignoring Lu Han.

It’s really weird how Yixing seems to be Yifan’s number one priority most of the time. Lu Han has noticed the shift, and how his boss has become… tamed. That’s basically it. This young university kid has tamed the dragon with that horribly adorable dent in his cheek and curly hair.

“It’s okay, don’t worry. Lu Han’s kept me company just fine,” Yixing sing songs, but still lets the other one kiss his cheek.

“You’re welcome,” Lu Han scoffs and his boss acknowledges him with a nod.

The band booked for the evening starts playing light jazz music and a few people have long roamed on the dance floor to sway to the music. Yifan takes the last sip of his champagne and puts the glass onto a bar table next to them.

“Yixing, let’s dance.”

“Huh?! You want to _dance with me_?”

“Yes. Let’s go.”

Lu Han’s boss ignores Yixing’s protests and drags him away. Yixing can only manage to hand Lu Han his glass, still whining about how he doesn’t dance - Lu Han’s seen him smiling though, so it cannot even be that horrible. Tao has noticed the small fuss and roams over from the late night buffet to him. Chewing on some imported French cheese and a few grapes, he nods into the direction of Yixing and their boss who puts his hand on the hip of his boyfriend and swirls him around on the dance floor.

“You know, sometimes I ask myself what Yixing sees in him.”

“Compassion.” Is Lu Han’s answer.

“Huh?”

“Yeah. The whole caring-for-animals-stuff.”

Lu Han rolls his eyes, pretending to be annoyed. Tao pouts.

“I see. So that’s what got boss the D. Caring about little fluffy animals.”

“Yeah.”

The two keep watching Yifan and Yixing who are now swaying back in forth to the beat, emerged in an inaudible conversation. It seems to be lighthearted though, because all their boss does is smiling brightly while Yixing keeps rambling away.

“I thought about getting boss a pet for his upcoming birthday,” Tao suddenly says, “I wanted to get him a white Angora cat, you know… those that villains in movies always have… but then I realised… cats eat meat and he surely doesn’t want that in his house. So I thought about getting him a white bunny instead.”

Lu Han needs to take a deep breath and shoots Tao a judging look.

“What, Lu Lu?”

“You’re fucking bonkers, that’s what,” Lu Han says and leaves Tao standing to get himself some grapes from the buffet.


End file.
